Calming Family Days

It’s days like these that constantly make me rethink my divorce considerations. They are the reason I think we could be okay (with a lot of work). Getting home from work to find that everyone is in a pretty good mood is unfortunately more rare than it should be, but when it happens it’s wonderful.

He’s been doing laundry all day, the kitchen isn’t trashed, and we happily worked together to get the yard cleaned up and mowed. Now he’s cooking pasta for dinner and the kids are being (mostly) well behaved. Nice relaxing nights like this are what I live for. They are a perfect picture of the family life I dreamed of when I decided that being a wife and mom was my future.

Now I know things can’t always be picture perfect. I know some days are going to be harder than others. I’ve been home with the kids all day by myself before too, I know it’s not always easy. The thing is regardless of how hard it is you should always try for the best. The effort unfortunately isn’t always there.

I feel wrong even writing anything bad right now, that’s how nice things are when everything’s going well. But the truth is that there’s just a high percentage of nights that go differently. Where I get home from work and he’s already left to go hang with friends or he’s about to leave. I’m tired from being at work for the past nine or ten hours, and he’s out the door leaving me to take care of every responsibility for the night, in addition to cleaning up after the messes they’ve made all day. And sometimes this’ll happen several days in a row until I feel like I’m about to snap with anger and frustration.

When I confront him and try to express my feelings on the situation he’ll get defensive and mean. He’ll say ugly things and it just won’t get anywhere productive.

Nothing’s wrong with going and hanging out with friends, having some guy time is important, definitely. But if you haven’t taken care of your responsibilities to your family first, then it becomes unfair in my opinion.

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He Gave Me a Donut

And that just about sums up what’s wrong with our relationship. Let me give you the backstory.

So three months ago I had surgery to correct a pinched nerve in my neck. I was out of work for seven weeks recovering and in bed for a lot of that. In addition to already being overweight I put on even more weight during that time.

So I went on a diet about two weeks ago. It’s been going great. Then he comes in with the donuts last night. Now that alone not too big a deal, I can always turn it down right? But then he acts kind of offended when I don’t really want it and all so i just take it.

I know it’s just one donut and it’s not going to kill me or my diet, but the point is that there are these moments a lot of the time. When I feel like he’s not necessarily backing me up and helping me out and respecting what I’m trying to do. Alternatively sometimes he’s also the most awesome husband you could imagine and he’d bend over backwards for me so what do I know.

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Decisions

Hard times lately with me and my husband. I don’t know if I’ve changed, or he’s changed. Maybe it’s just because the whole family dynamic has changed. Either way I have to admit I’m not so sure we can last to our old age anymore. Hell I can’t see us lasting five more years to be honest.

His friends are losers. I disagree with his priorities. I actually think our family should show some class and he… well he doesn’t.

Here’s what he’d say if I told him this. He’d say something about how I’m stuck up, have my nose in the air, etc…  He’s said things like this before when we would argue about issues regarding class and conduct. Sadly I think I married the wrong guy.

Looking towards the future I can’t see him acting properly as the family man and husband he needs to be. A husband I can’t bring to business functions or social gatherings, what’s the point? Then I keep thinking that I should wait it out, maybe he is capable of shaping up. How will I know? Will I have to be horribly embarassed to find out he can’t? There have already been minor embarassments, and I’ve actually wanted to unfriend my own husband on Facebook because of how he presents himself on the site.

We have two little kids and I don’t want to quit, but I also want what’s best for my family. I do love him, but I don’t love us as a family anymore. I’m going to have to decide soon.

image source: http://mimiandeunice.com

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